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Commuter, Crazy: A Tale in Four Parts February 7, 2007

Posted by Brian L. Belen in Ramblings.
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I. Man vs. Himself

I was on a bus a few evenings ago when some guy behind me completely lost it. At first, he started making noises that were odd but innocuous, akin to sounds one makes when trying to entertain an infant and certainly no stranger than most odd commuters who tend to mutter to themselves.

But then he started becoming increasingly angry and combative. Not to mention louder. Before anyone knew it, he was pacing back and forth and around the center section of the bus, letting loose an invective every few words:

“F*ck this.”

“S*ck my d*ck.”

“B*tch.”

“B*tch.”

“B*tch!”

At this point, it was clear that this person was mentally disturbed. From his behavior, it seemed he was going on a tirade against an imagined someone who had hurt his leg, already in a brace. However, the longer he would go on this rant, the more he began to focus his anger at a lady seated perhaps three seats away from him. Naturally, at some point the beleaguered woman wouldn’t take it anymore, which brings us to…

II. Man vs. Woman

MAN: “F*ck you, b*tch!”

WOMAN: “I know you didn’t just call me a b*tch.”

MAN: “B*tch!”

WOMAN: “What did you just call me? Don’t nobody call me a b*tch.”

MAN: “You can s*ck my d*ck!”

Now this exchange would go on for the better part of five minutes as the bus made its way to the next stop. Of course, it probably would not have degenerated into this exercise whereby the lunatic got to yell every permutation of invectives at his disposal had the woman not stood up for herself, but by then the damage was done. It was a potentially explosive situtation as the man, owing to his leg brace, had a cane in hand which he seemed very inclined to use to “win” the argument.

However, after a bit more incoherent yelling, the man just stormed off the bus. This was a source of relief to most who had been on board from the prior stop, if the shaking heads and nervous laughter were any indication.

As the last of the new passengers came on board, the doors shut and the bus began to depart. But after a few meters, it was stopped dead in its tracks because…

III. Man vs. Bus

The lunatic was back, continuing his tirade and standing in the middle of the street a few inches from the windshield! It’s a wonder the bus driver didn’t run him over. No amount of horn-honking by the driver would deter the man, nor drown out the continued stream of invectives issuing forth from his mouth. By this time, I think everyone on the bus was staring at him in bemused wonder: you just have to respect a guy with the balls to take on a bus, full on.

Thankfully, there was a patrol car nearby, and a couple of officers quickly took the man aside.

IV. And the Winner Is…

So the bus was able to continue on, its shocked passengers none the worse for wear.

As the driver pulled away, everyone could see the lunatic still gesticulating at the bus while the policemen on scene attempted to pacify him. At this point, the aforementioned lady proved that she had the last laugh as she summarized the entire scene perfectly:

“So who’s the b*tch now?”

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